being Samoan

2017 happened to be a pretty pivotal moment. Before then, I, like many of my friends, had yet to see the impact that culture can have on one’s spirit.

In primary school and high school, I often brushed aside the comments that were made to me regarding my ethnicity. One Saturday in particular, while my parents had been out doing the groceries, I was spending my afternoon on the computer, doing what any sane sixteen-year-old would; throwing tiny digital arrows at flying birds. Our old-school computer and it’s huge monitor was positioned next to the kitchen at the end of the house, such that, when someone had knocked on the door that evening, I felt like I had walked years in that Australian heat to reach it. I opened the door, but only slightly, curious and also feeling slightly guilty for the number of birds that had accumulated in my game; a direct correlation to the amount of free time I had spent. Eventually, after some conversation, I learnt that he worked for an energy-saving company, so I listened and waited for my cue to finally say “sorry, my parents aren’t home...”. He promptly asked me my background, to which I said proudly; Samoan.

“Shouldn’t you be…”

He had been gesturing with his hands, an expanding motion over his own abdomen. Despite my words being jumbled, I said finally; “not really”, and continued the conversation so that he could ask my “current electricity plan” and I knew I could say my line and eventually get back to my game.

The trouble with being Samoan is making the decision to be.

Being Samoan, for me, comes with lots of history, it comes with baggage and pain that may take years to recover from. To me, it comes with generalisations and fighting the urge not to argue passive-aggressively in retaliation.

It also comes with pride, with community, support and unconditional love. It comes with Kopai and the greasy paper bag holding a Panikeke. It comes with occasionally getting away with telling my friends The Rock is my uncle and the 2 minutes of amazed reactions that ensue.

The truth is, the world's understanding of Samoa is still a fraction of what it really is. The same is true for many countries, in that people I’ve encountered still view Samoans through a statistical lens; albeit a bad one at that. Whether it is an averaged BMI (body mass index) categorised by sex or a measure of people per 100,000 killed by measles; from an early age, I was taught by my parents that the news was mostly negative and therefore should be avoided at all costs.

I recall making my decision after that day, and my hope is that I will never need to make that decision again.

Published Thursday 10th December 2020